10 yr anniversary

“I don't pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me; love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person, love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you.”

Last Thursday Jeff and I celebrated our 10 yr anniversary!  Sometimes life seems to be going by at a ridiculously fast rate, and other times, it seems to lag on.  I feel like we've been together forever, he always jokes that it's been 20 yrs.. not sure if that's a good thing or not!? In June it'll be 14 yrs that we went on our first date!  I woke up Thursday AM to our 2 wedding songs playing repeatedly on the PC.  We danced to John Michael Montgomery's "I love the way you love me", and we lit our unity candle to Shania Twains "Your still the One".  After work I came home to some gorgeous flowers, he had spelled out "Love is...You :-)" on the bed with silk rose petals.  Because Peytons birthday is the day after our anniversary its always hard to go out and celebrate alone, which I don't mind..  So, as a joint dinner, all of us went out to eat at On The Border!   

Looks like we made it

Look how far we've come my baby

We mighta took the long way

We knew we'd get there someday

They said, "I bet they'll never make it"

But just look at us holding on

We're still together still going strong

You're still the one I run to

The one that I belong to

You're the one I want for life

You're still the one that I love

The only one I dream of

You're still the one I kiss good night

Ain't nothin' better

We beat the odds together

I'm glad we didn't listen

Look at what we would be missin'

I'm so glad we made it

Look how far we've come my baby

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1st day of school.

It doesn't seem possible.. The start of yet another school year...

The summers just fly by so fast, and the school years...

Even faster...

If only I could create some magic potion.. or a pill...

To slow them down..

Here are a few pictures of this AM...

Joey.. my 10th grader...

and our princess Aleena..

Not so happy about having her picture taken

is now our middle school student..

in 6th Grade...

And Peyton... ah... sweet, hyper, talkative Peyton..

He's our only one left in Elementary school..

our 3rd grader..

Also not so happy about taking his picture this AM!

Hiding under the table

Ahhh.. there he is.. bright and early this AM!

and again.. not so happy about having

his picture taken!!

Peyton was thrilled to find out that his 1st grade teacher had moved up to 3rd grade this year.

He waited anxiously on Tuesday for the phone call from his new teacher..

Saying that he HOPED it was her calling him..

We all were soooo thrilled when she called to announce..

That she infact was going to have Peyton again!!

Here he is with her this AM on the right,

and back in 1st grade on the left.

"For a teacher to live forever in the heart and memory of even a single child is the best tribute of all"

Aleena's Birthday Party

I personally love smaller more intimate parties like the one Aleena had this year. It gives you time to spend with each person there, instead of being shoved around by a hostess and focusing on playing games with a group of 15 people.. At this age, I think it creates more memories and stories to share later for something small. She was allowed to invite 3 friends, but one at last minute couldn't come. So it was just 2. One is her really good friend from Plano, that Aleena met in Kindergarten, and after 3 yrs in our new town they still spend a lot of time with each other. And the other is a friend that Aleena met last year at her school, and they get along so well. Both girls are very sweet and I could have them here forever! But here are some collages showing some of the fun we had...

Started off with Twister...

And of course there has to be LOTS of junk food and pizza at

a sleepover!! :-)

And then Aleena spending plenty of time on her cell phone! :-)

And then out for mani/pedi's and lunch at Fridays!

We had a great time!!

And yes.. another milestone for Aleena

On Friday I let Aleena, with adult supervision, go to the movies with her first "boyfriend". Davids grandmother took them to see "UP". Here are a few pictures that she took for me to record this monumental event! ;-)

By the way, let me add that this past weekend was a sad weekend for me. I realized that my kids are getting older, and it made me feel older this weekend.. to see my daughter on the phone with David.. and my oldest son had a friend DRIVE to come visit him!!! My son has friends that drive??? *sigh*...

David and Aleena before leaving for the movie

David paying for the snacks

Playing video games afterwards

Another milestone for Aleena

Farewell to dollies, blankies and bows

Welcome to makeup, telephones and beaus!

Aleena has been asking for months to shave her legs. I'm not quite sure what the normal age is now that most girls start, but I know I was around Aleena's age somewhere. She'll be 11 next month, and entering 6th grade. At her pool party the other day I asked all of her friends, and they've already been doing it for awhile, so I decided to sit down with Aleena and show her I had Jeff take some pictures of it. :-)

As you can see I'm not the only one that gets the "Come on already" look from her nowadays!

:-) She had just knicked herself a little bit on her ankle :-(

And a self portrait of us after we were all done!!

Beautiful Daughter

I looked at you today

and saw the same beautiful eyes

that looked at me with love

when you were a baby
I looked at you today

and saw the same beautiful mouth

that made me cry when

you first smiled at me when you were a baby
It was not long ago that I held you in my arms

long after you fell asleep

and I just kept rocking you all night long

I looked at you today

and saw my beautiful daughter

no longer a baby

but a beautiful person

with a full range of emotions and feelings

and ideas and goals
Every day is exciting as I continue

to watch you grow

And I want you to always know

that in good and bad times

I will love you and that no matter what you do

or how you think or what you say

you can depend on my support, guidance

friendship and love

every minute of every day

I love being your mother

fun with friends..

Several years ago, I learned about a baby who was fighting for her life. She had Leukemia, at such a tender young age. You can read about her story here . I heard about her battle from Jeff, her uncle was a co-worker of his. I set out to help however I could, with fundraisers, spreading the word etc. During that time I joined a group called Friends of Allie, created in this young girls memory. Through this group I started walking in Light The Night walks, raising money for LLS. FOA was a huge group and people in each town started creating there own message boards to keep in touch, share ideas, fundraise, deliver meals etc. Through this group I met a few ladies that are now great friends of mine. One of them, Kristi, not knowing much about me, but knowing I was looking to get out of daycare, let me know about an opening at her company. And that's how I got the job I got today. I had corresponded with her on this message board, primarily about kids we were praying for, who needed meals, donating baskets to the hospitals etc. And met her twice, at LTN functions. I now see her on a daily basis at work, and we've grown quite close.. Thankfully, considering we share a cube at work now!! LOL We also met George, a sweet lady from England... And Heidi.. Who lives a few hours away.

"A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out."~ Walter Winchell

Kristi and I try to get together with George a few times a year, George might think its only so we can have her great curry that she makes, but I promise its for the great stories, conversations and friendship she offers as well... She's got a sweet daughter who is just growing like crazy.

"Friends are those rare people who ask how you are and then wait to hear the answer."

Heidi is also a very sweet lady. And what saddens me is that in the past 3 yrs we haven't gotten together, only communicated via email. Until she delivered her 3rd baby, and Kristi and I drove to see her in the hospital on a whim. But what breaks my heart most, is that this sweet lady and her family are being stationed in Germany. They will be moving in 2 wks. 3 yrs we wasted not seeing each other, and now for 3yrs they'll be on the other side of the world! Heidi is the mother to 3 gorgeous kiddos, 2 boys and her little princess. We've seen her 2 more times since she had her baby 2 months ago. One day she surprised us up at work after an impromptu trip to Dallas. And this past weekend us 4 ladies and our families (minus my hubby and grown son), met up at a park in Denton.

The weather was GREAT, the kids had a super fantastic time playing, I got to love on some babies.. and we got to spend some cherished time with each other...

Heidi, we'll miss you and your family dearly, but i know you'll be updating your blog with lots of cool pictures that we will all envy, and sharing great stories.. And we'll see you soon.. ((HUGS))

Us 4 moms and our kids

Just us moms!

Me getting some baby loves from sweet Sianna

Jimmy pushing the kids on the tire swing.

Regret...

Regret…..

The definition of Regret is: to feel sorry and sad about something previously done or said that now appears wrong, mistaken or hurtful to others. A feeling or expression of sorrow and guilt for a past action or event that you now wish had not happened or had happened differently.

I can’t count how many times I’ve heard people say “I have no regrets, just life experiences” or “ I have no regrets.. It has made me who I am”… Really?? When looking back at your life there is NOTHING that you regret? I think people look at the word Regret as something nasty and dirty, admitting you’ve done something wrong, and can’t portray themselves as anything less than perfect… None of us are perfect and we’ve all made mistakes.. and those that can learn from them and better themselves are the wisest.

“People so seldom say I love you and then it's either too late or love goes. So when I tell you I love you, it doesn't mean I know you'll never go, only that I wish you didn't have to.”

SO I decided to take time and list some of my Regrets… Things that I wish I could go back in time and change… And honestly; some of these I still struggle with today, even though I regret it each time.

• Not going to spend more time with my grandmother in her last months, out of fear of having to see my
• Uncle who I could care less to ever see again.
• Not filling out my kids’ baby books in full detail to go back and look over.
• Not taking more pictures of Joey when he was a baby.
• For taking Joey to see his “father”, thinking it would be a pleasant trip; instead my 4 yr old son got to witness his father in a very scary state of mind.
• Not going to college right out of high school when my time wasn’t as sparse as it is now.
• Not enjoying the beaches back home as much as I should have
• Raising my voice at my kids when I’m tired and have no patience
• Losing touch with some very special friends in my life
• Not biting my tongue more often when I’m upset or angry about something…. Loose Lips Sink Ships…
• On the flip side of that; I don’t regret defending myself (or other loved ones) when the time is right.

Stressing over things that don’t really matter in the grand scheme of things… cleaning house, dishes to be done, not always letting my children just be kids and have fun..

“Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable”


And here are a list of some unpleasant things in my life that have happened, that I don’t regret.. These are the kind of things that have happened that have made me a stronger person.

• For loving the people that have walked out of my life
• For giving all of my trust to those that took advantage of it and taught me who I can and can’t trust
• For loving those that have hurt me
• For having Joey at such an early age; a SR in High School
• For not graduating when I was supposed to and having to go to Night School the following year to graduate
• For giving people 2nd, 3rd chances after being hurt by them
• For not staying in contact with people in my past that live their life in a way that I don’t want my kids to be a part of it.. I love them, and will keep them in my prayers that things get turned around.
• The decisions we made as a couple when we were going through all of our issues a few years ago, although difficult, needed to be done.

For not always giving more chances to those that continue to hurt me. There’s a saying that goes something like Fool me once shame on you, Fool me twice shame on me… I believe in forgiveness but it doesn’t mean I’m a doormat for harsh words, lack of consideration, constant criticism etc. I try not to surround myself around negativity all of the time.

Those are the things that I try not to dwell on to much; we’ve all been in these situations, and often times are stuck focusing on those bad things, that we don’t count our blessings we have before us. We all can find joy in our life, even amongst the worst of sorrow and anguish we might be feeling.
Obviously I could add many things to each of these lists. These are just a few of the things that come to mind while I sit here now.

“When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us”

3 years....

Today marks my 3^rd year anniversary at my new job… 3 years since I gave up daycare... How I miss my kids dearly that I used to keep. I don’t hear from to many of them anymore and that saddens me. I think about them starting school, wondering what they look like now. Do they remember me? 3 yrs ago I started my daily trek to down town Dallas for my new job. While I miss my daycare kids very much; I don’t miss the business. I’m very thankful for my flexibility I have now. I’m thankful for the new friends I’ve made since coming here. I get to pick my kids up from school every day; I can take off when we’re sick without fear of upsetting someone... And the best part of that?? I still get paid for it… I can ask for vacation days and not worry about people upset that I’m ruining their plans as well. I come home to my house the same way I left it (but I also have less time to work on getting it clean now)… But I also miss the countless hugs and kisses, the “I love you Miss Carrie”, laughing till I got tears over some of the witty things kids can say, watching children grow and learn… coming up with my lessons to work with them, planning our parties… I also miss spending the day at home with my kids. I couldn’t do that now as my kids are all in school, but I miss those days a lot. But I’m so thankful for that time I got with them during the day; to be a part of there every move. I feel really blessed with where I’ve come from; and where I’m at now. God, I thank you for putting people into my life at just the right time, they have been there for me in immeasurable ways. I am truly blessed with all of the changes that have come my way; not only in the past 3 yrs, but in my lifetime. I’ve had to go through some tough struggles during these past 3 yrs and I’m not sure that I could have gone through them as smoothly had I been doing daycare. I don’t think I could have taken the time off I needed (and kept all of my children I had) with the passing of 2 grandparents, my trials in marriage, and all of the sickness that Peyton endured had I been doing daycare still.

Happy Friday to you all... My kids have early release today; we have soccer games tomorrow and we’ll be going to a pumpkin patch. The kids are excited; I’m thrilled we are having great weather... My laptop is on the fritz; a friend’s boyfriend will be fixing it for us this weekend. Hopefully by next week I can start sharing pictures again. I have several to share.

Hurt Hurt Go Away..

When will the hurt go away?

It’s approaching 5 months since my world was flipped turned upside down. 5 months ago when all of the energy, love, time and trust that I poured into our relationship seemed to be torn into pieces and stomped on with every breath I took. Some days I feel like it’s never happened; other days the pain is so raw, like it just happened yesterday.
Each day I pray that the thoughts don’t enter my mind; that I don’t say anything to harm our relationship. That the love and trust for him will come back into my heart that once was there. I hate remembering all of the things I read. For no reason at all, it will just creep into my thoughts. Certain songs will come on that make my stomach turn. To see someone that resembles this person makes me want to cry. Crying…. Yes, it’s something I still do. Not as often as I used to, but I still stand in the shower at times sobbing. Asking why… what did I do wrong? I still have sleepless nights over it, tossing and turning, having dreams (or nightmares) about it all.
Last month I went home to Michigan for my grandfather’s funeral. It was the hardest trip I’ve had to take. Not only because I was attending the funeral. His death is the 1st one in my immediate family; I’ve never lost anyone close to me. It was a hard trip because the last one I made up there was in May, to be at my grandfather’s side when we got his diagnosis – I was supposed to be pouring my heart and soul into my grandfather. Instead I was hurting, slowly dying inside. Because the night I arrived in Michigan , I made the discovery that’s caused me so much pain. I just want the hurt, the pain, the lack of trust, the anger I feel, to go away; never to resurface again.
I made a comment to him one day about not liking that I still have these memories, and he said something back to me. He said you don’t have to think about it... I don’t have to think about it? I WISH there were something I could do to not think of it. I don’t ask to have this pain in me. I don’t wish everyday for more tears. I can be fine for days at a time, and then all of a sudden it’s there again. I love him with all that I have, all that I am… And I’m trying my best to forget. I know I’ll never completely forget. He’s still very remorseful for what he’s done. I know in his heart of hearts, that if he could rewind time and do it again, he wouldn’t have done what he did. But the fact remains that it happened.
I’m not checking his emails as much as I used too. I’m no longer logging in on a daily basis to check his call logs. I still question some things. I hate that he’s working in an office with women; that he’s got women he has to deal with on a daily basis. He’s working a part time job, and I hated the night he called me to let me know they asked him to work late. My stomach was in knots wondering if he were being honest with me. I sat up that night reading my bible, and just praying that everything would be OK. I’ve always said I couldn’t stay in a relationship that lacked trust. Without the trust, you really have nothing. I know he’s working everyday to help give that back to me. It’s just going to be a long, hard journey. I believe he knows there better not be a next time. If there is, there’s no doubt I’ll be gone.
Thanks to those of you around that still ask how I’m doing. And if there’s anything you can do to help. I’ve had people volunteer to watch the kids so that Jeff and I can have alone time, I’ve had hugs, and prayers. You guys know who you are, and I hope you know when it’s your turn to go through a heartache, that I’ll be there for you just the same. And I pray you’ll never have to be here for me again in this manner.