To Joey...

I’ve been thinking a lot about a conversation that took place between us a few weeks ago. While swimming at Nana’s house I was sharing the story about how I found out I was PG with you. I mentioned that after taking my pregnancy test I went to my cousin Regina’s house the next day and cried to her about it. Your response was “Geez, that makes me feel good to know that you cried because you were PG with me.”.

It was 1 month after I turned 17; I was a senior in high school, and had been dating your “father” for a little over a year. Our relationship was anything but solid. I cried wondering how I was going to provide for this child that God had entrusted to me. I worried about having a job, going to school and taking care of you; while showing you every day how much I really loved you. I was still being raised by my mother, who was single raising 3 kids on her own. We did without a lot growing up, my mom worked hard to put food on the table, and provide us with clothing; watching her struggle on a very skim budget. I was scared that while essentially being a child myself, that I wasn’t going to be able to be the mother I needed to be to you.

Joey you were no mistake. I know without a doubt that I was entrusted with you, as a way to save me. I wasn’t making the best decisions at that time in my life. Shortly after having you I enrolled in Night School (to get my last few HS credits needed), got a part time job and took care of you. This couldn’t have been done without the help of my mother during this time.

Because of you I moved to Texas, in hopes to create something more, to give you a better life. To get myself away from the road I was heading down. I moved to Texas, got a job, later got an apartment with my mom, and put you in daycare.. I was making it as a single mother, with some help from my mother.

Having you in my life, as well as your 2 siblings, is the most gratifying, self rewarding job ever. I’m in awe of the amount of responsibility you show, the thoughtfulness you portray on a daily basis. You are 14 yrs old and still the sweetest, funniest kid I’ve always known. I love you more then words could ever express. I know I’m not a perfect mother, noone is. We all make mistakes in everything we do. I wake up each morning and pray that I have the strength and wisdom to deal with whatever parenthood throws my way this day. I pray that I show you guys each and every day how much you really mean to me, that I’m taking all of the right steps in raising you. And while you don’t understand some of the things I make you do, things I say to you, you will some day. I tell you guys every day that my job as your mother isn’t to take care of you day in and out, but to teach you to be a self sufficient, loving adult. And I hope I’m making the right steps today to get you there, along with your brother and sister.

I love you, all the way to the moon and back…