The past year...

It's so hard to believe that a year ago this week Jeff lost his job. I was sitting down and thinking today about everything that I've been through this year and it makes my head hurt. And it brings a sense of inner piece to know that I've made it, and were OK...

On November 13th Jeff lost his job. Our world was flipped upside down really quick.. A trip to Disney was quickly cancelled, our 2nd cancelled trip there in just a few years. The one before was cancelled after the transmission went out in our van. Christmas was not looking so great last year; and I quickly learned who my truest and greatest friends were.

Peyton started to get sick nonstop. We dealt with busted ear drums, ear infections, strep, virals, 5ths disease, etc. He was having unexpected nose bleeds, aching bones (to the extent that he cried when he needed to walk up stairs etc), really tired etc. So right away the DR ordered blood work to rule out many things. Unfortunately his blood work came back very abnormal, and he was put on some meds and it was redone. Most of the numbers came back in normal range, except his WBC. He started to feel better and things got back to normal so we didn't do anymore blood work. But that might change; his lymph nodes are now really enlarged, so next week we'll be getting him in if he's not doing better. Right now he's on antibiotics for strep.

With Jeff losing his job we got rid of my truck so we'd only have 1 car payment, then his truck's transmission went out, so that left us with 1 car. And that car is his dad's car. His dad was told last year that he is unable to drive anymore, so he let us use his car. We made it on 1 car for MONTHS. And that's not easy when I work 40 miles from home, and have 3 kids to get to school. Jeff's unemployment took a nose dive and stopped, and they are now saying we owe them money, we didn't get a tax return, I actually owe them money. What was on our side though is that we don't have any credit card debt. Overall it's been OK, could have been so much worse.

Shortly after my grandmother was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer. My grandmother is the sweetest person ever, and I adore her and love her more then words could ever explain. Shortly after that my grandfather was diagnosed with Lymphoma. Sadly he lost his battle in September. Jeff's dad had a stroke this year, and was wheelchair bound for quite some time, he's now getting around with a walker at home, and using a power chair outside of his apartment. Jeff's dad is my daddy, the only father figure I have in my life, and I think of him often. Jeff's mom is now in the hospital, and won't be going home for another week or so at least. Our niece had her car accident last year and she's endured several surgeries; she'll be having another one next week. Last Saturday my sister in law Christy was in a motorcycle accident and is still in the hospital; she fractured two vertebrae's, broke both arms, is in a Halo now for her neck etc... And I sit here with a broken toe now.

The hardest trial has been my relationship with Jeff. Twice I've researched apartments, divorce attorneys, figured out how much child support I'd get and working over a budget. I realized I didn't need to make any rash decisions until he had a decent job, we were over our financial stress and we were both thinking with clear minds. Then the unthinkable came, my trust with him was destroyed, and it still hurts today. I find it hard on many days to focus on the love I have for him instead of the hurt I've had to endure. We'll get back to where we were soon, I just pray every day for only kind words to leave my mouth, that my heart be filled with nothing but pure, happy thoughts, and that we get back to where we were.

All of this went on with busy schedules. Us working, soccer for 2 kids, dance, church, school functions, band, me trying to start my diaper cake business, taking care of Jeff's parents, spending time with my grandma etc.

Several good things came out of the past year... We all got baptised as a family, my kids have all learned the value of a dollar, I've gotten closer to God, I learned who my true friends were. They helped make Christmas have meaning for my kids last year, they quickly helped take care of kids when needed, they got together for laughs, they called to see what they could do, they hugged me and cried with me, they showed a true interest in me, my family and what I was going through. Thank you to those of you. I can't explain how much I love and appreciate each one of you for reaching out and being there for me, and my family... I know through all of this my relationship will be stronger with Jeff, and the kids will be better people. They've learned life isn't all about having fun and living care free, there are priorities and things more important then we all believe are out there.

I try each day to go through it with grace, and a smile on my face. But trust me, my kids have seen me cry, shout, angry etc more then they deserved to see out of me this year. But hey, I'm only normal. And they've got to see that parents are human as well...

Here's hoping we have a great 2008!!!